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The Short, Tragic Life of Star of David Goldie the Goldfish

October 24, 2012

So this is what happened.

Once upon a time beautiful Lisa and Steven invited us to their wedding. It was awesome. Wonderful celebration and wonderful couple. All good.

But you see, these lovely people had decided to use goldfish in vases as their centerpieces. Which, cool! Do you know how amusing it is for kids at a wedding when there are goldfish on the table?? Pretty darn great.

Then we won the centerpiece. But in fairness to us, I’m pretty sure that even if we HADN’T won, we would have been leaving with a goldfish. Sam pretty much charmed the table when he announced that the fish’s name was David. (Me – Really Sam? David? Sam – Yes. David. Okay then!).

In the car Anika announced that she REALLY wanted to name the fish Star. We laughed and were like “Great! Lets call the fish Star of David. Funny! Hurrah!” Then we got home and when the kids woke up the next morning they both simultaneously (and apparently without any discussion) started calling the fish Goldie. I stopped trying to “help” at that point – it wasn’t like the fish was going to fetch; he didn’t NEED to know his name. It’s fine.

So we got home and we had this.

That’s right – a fish in a vase. We talked about needing to get him a bigger bowl pretty quickly. After all if we were going to DO this fish thing, we needed to be Responsible Pet Owners.

So I took the kids to a fish store nearby. I thought it would be fun! We’d talk to someone knowledgeable, pick up a bowl, pick up some fish food – heck, maybe go hog wild and pick up another fish to keep David/Star/Goldie company!

Instead, what happened was I met what MIGHT be the world’s only Goldfish Activist. I’m sure he was a nice man and perfectly reasonable in all other walks of life….but in this one? Notsomuch.

Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi! Hello! I need some help. You see, yesterday we won a goldfish at a wedding – he was the centerpiece. And since he’s only in a small vase right now we think we need to find a bigger bowl for him, and probably some food. Can you help us?

Him: Oh no.

Me: No?

Him: No. You cannot keep a goldfish in a bowl. Goldfish can live for 20-30 years and can grow up to two feet in length. You cannot possibly keep a goldfish in a bowl.

Me: Are you serious?

Him: Oh yes. Not in a bowl. No. You could maaayyyybeee get away with a 10 gallon tank for the first couple of months (looking at me as if I’ve just suggested keeping Sam in a shoebox until he is 8). But after that you would FOR SURE need at LEAST a 30 gallon tank.

Me: Dude…I live in a townhouse. I didn’t even especially WANT a fish. I have NOWHERE to put a 10 gallon tank let alone a 30 gallon! (Thinking to myself…these things cost 17 cents!!! You sell them to people to FEED TO THEIR PREDATOR FISH!)

We left. We did not get food or a bowl. We just left and I came home and talked to Brandon and was all very emotional and “but what do we DOOOO?” about the whole thing really.

We concluded that we needed to go somewhere where perhaps they were a little less…fish centric. More reasonable about dealing with people. So I resolved to go to Petsmart later in the day.

A little later in the afternoon I looked in on Goldie and thought “Awwww….that’s cute! He’s making a bubble nest!” Then I thought about it and realized that I’m pretty sure that goldfish don’t MAKE bubble nests.

I googled, and learned that nope, goldfish do NOT make bubble nests. They DO, however, gasp desperately for air when in a too small vase. WHOOPS. Off to the second pet store.

I actually met a semi-reasonable human at this store. She had the attitude that was more “Look, if you came in here and told me that you wanted a pet you could keep in a bowl I would not tell you to get a goldfish. However you already HAVE the fish. Lets find something you can manage.”

So I procured a bowl, some bowl cleaner stuff, some goldfish food, and some rocks and a pink castle (Anika was with me). I set Goldie up in his new digs.

And you know what? It was kind of awesome! The kids loved talking to him; I liked watching him swim while I worked at the kitchen table – nice right?? All good!

And it was good for….lets see….three days? Ish? I THOUGHT Goldie was just fine and happy. But then we came down for breakfast one morning and Goldie was lying on his side on the rocks. Ani said “Oh look! Goldie’s lying down!”

Cue discussion about how pets die sometimes. And how when the little gills are not moving AT ALL there is probably not a lot of point taking the fish to the vet. Burial at sea for Goldie.

And now…NOW. Now I have a $45 goldfish bowl, rocks, food, and bowl cleaner. And no fish. I’m pretty sure we’re going to end up with a beta in there soon. I liked having the fish around and it was pretty fun for the kids. So perhaps we’ll try it.

Does anyone know if Betas can eat the goldfish pellet food stuff? Because I used like four of those pellets out of about a zillion. And I have NO plans to get another goldfish any time soon (because I do not WAAANT a 30 gallon tank.)

But I can now say we have owned a pet. Short lived…but we owned a pet. So long Goldie, and thanks for all the…oh nevermind.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. October 24, 2012 2:34 pm

    Get a Beta…they are very tough fish….great read.

  2. October 24, 2012 2:35 pm

    Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

  3. Hubby permalink
    October 24, 2012 2:39 pm

    I’m impressed with your switchover from crafty to very funny. I would like to be featured next time as the common sense guru, bringing stability and rationale thought to a crazy world. Could you do that for me?

  4. Travis permalink
    October 24, 2012 2:41 pm

    Aw! I am so sorry about Golden Star of David.. (Glam rock!) But yes, do it with the beta. Mom and dad’s ate pellets, so it should be fine, and if not, we have some food for you that Eve has kindly offered. Also, if he has trouble with the pellets, crush them up!

    (I have a new marble mortar and pestle which is awesome!)

  5. October 24, 2012 2:42 pm

    Lordy – poor fish! Yes, the advice to get a Beta [sic] is a good one, because as you know, we’ve had many! (I’m not sure we ever read one though.)

  6. Angela permalink
    October 24, 2012 7:49 pm

    LOL Beta sounds promising. Sorry about Goldie:0( The good news is with Betas ( that I know of) you can even get vacation pellets so you can go away for up to a week without feeding! Sounds like a great pet to me! You can get them in different colours too – not sure about pink or purple, but that would look fantastic with the castle:0)

  7. Beth permalink
    October 29, 2012 5:00 pm

    This post is hilarious. Thanks for the great read!

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